Dealing with Energy-Sucking People – Episode 53

November 6, 2013

Last week, I offered moral support to some people in my business network who were being intimidated online. It was unusual for me that I would be contacted two days in a row by separate people about the same thing. I even wrote about it in my Sunday newsletter and offered coaching support for my community.

Phil agreed it would be a good idea that we talk about energy-sucking people and how to deal with them. Whether you’re dealing with a tough business situation or something more personal in nature, we hope we can shine some light on these things that are hard to talk about. In today’s backstage episode, Phil and I hope to help The SHUT UP Show community know you’re not alone.

 

Watch the show (uncensored & unedited) 

Share Some Shut Up Love –> Even if you stand on opposite sides of a conversation, if it can bring people together it’s constructive. @BerniXiong #shutupshow (click to tweet)

The SHUT UP Show on Bullies

When I was a little kid, I was bullied. In third grade, a kid would pummel the living crap out of me. I blamed myself. And until I made it known he was bullying me, he had the control over me because he knew my secret. – Phil

Step 1. Tell somebody you trust. If things to escalate, you have a pattern of behavior.
Step 2. Get away from them.
Step 3. Tell them to stop.
Step 4. Take approprirate measure.

The SHUT UP Show on Trolls

Trolls are looking for a fight. Typically the best way to deal with them is ignore them. Don’t shed light on them, it makes them stronger. Typically they bug off after you ignore them.

The SHUT UP Show on Polarizing People

With people who are polarizing, you have a choice. You can give them power or give them the boot. It’s your community. If you feel they add to your community, keep them around. If you feel they detract, kick them out.

Shut Up Tips:

There’s a fine line between someone is just a pain in the ass and someone is bullying. – Phil

Intimidation is the intention that comes with bullying. – Phil

Gentle teasing is one thing and crossing the line is another. – Phil

You don’t have to have physical marks on your body to be intimidated or coerced into a controlling situation with someone. – Berni

Anytime you keep a secret, you’re part of the problem. – Phil

Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head. – Ann Landers (via Berni)

We’re not saying the bully is right. We’re not saying the bullied is right. We’re saying someone feels a certain way and it is okay to say ‘Stop, this behavior is unacceptable.’ – Phil

Even if you stand on opposite sides of a perspective, if having a conversation can bring people together then that’s a constructive conversation. – Berni

It’s your damn community. It’s your damn business. You do whatever you want if it feels right to you. I don’t have to agree with you but I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong. – Phil

Confidence breeds community and connection. Practice it if you’re not sure. Make the stakes lower. People are probably not going to reject you. They’re probably going to embrace you. – Phil

Shine the light on the cockroaches and say no to cyberbullying. – Phil

How can we help you Shut Up?

The show is like a video support group for entrepreneurs. – Craig Price

The hope of this show is not to get everybody on consensus on everything. The goal is to raise awareness. We offer solutions and practical stuff that we’ve seen work so you can make something work for you. If you have a story about how the show has helped you, leave us a comment below.

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