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backstage episode

Is Integrity Overrated? – Episode 59

November 20, 2013 By Berni

Phil posted a Facebook status recently and got some flak for writing, “Thinking you have some integrity is like saying you can be kinda pregnant.”

If you’ve been in business for awhile, you’ve probably been measured quite a bit on how well you’re delivering on your word, your promise, your value proposition and so on. In today’s episode, Phil and I share contrasting definitions of integrity, why we feel it’s a touchy subject, and what we believe is the real issue behind the lack of integrity in today’s business climate.

 

Watch the show (uncensored & unedited) 

Share Some Shut Up Love –> We are who we are. We’re not who we’re not. – @PhilGerb #shutupshow (click to tweet)

Shut Up Tips:

Often we only lean on the morality side of integrity because then we can pass judgment on others who we feel aren’t acting in integrity. – Phil

Sometimes I say I’m gonna do stuff and I miss. It’s because I’m not in integrity, meaning my word isn’t always as true as I say it is. – Phil

Integrity isn’t good or bad. It just is. You’re either in it or you’re not in it. – Phil

Reliability is often a big concern of people and that can happen as a result of integrity. – Phil

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (via Berni)

Not only do we not wanna be wrong, we don’t want to be challenged. – Phil

It’s hard to always be in integrity or always live up to your word, because we’re human. We don’t want to be held in integrity every single moment of every single day. – Phil

Always and never are terrible words because they’re almost always never correct. They’re stereotypical and meaning-filled words that try to determine absolute wrong and right. – Phil

What’s right for my business may not be right for yours, but it’s right for me. And if I act in accordance, I like to think I’m of integrity as long as it’s consistent every time even though I know I probably won’t be. – Phil

Even though I’ve never promised anybody I was going to be a certain way, that’s the expectation society has set on me and sometimes I feel pressure to be perfect. – Berni

I finally started to realize I can swear if I want to, I can like make up if I want to, I can cut my hair if I want to, I can talk about my mom if I want to… you can’t tell me I can’t because I’m a life coach. – Berni

Stop saying Christians are hypocritical. Humans are hypoctical. People who go to church are humans. – Phil

When you do accept the responsibility, you are what’s right and what’s wrong. – Phil

It’s easy to make excuses and pass blame on others. Be mindful and aware and take responsibility. – Berni

The older I get, the more I realize I’m just like my parents. Being mindful of that and knowing what you’re getting into helps. Now when my mom gets on my nerves, my reaction in my gut might be different than my response. – Berni

Make less commitments. That helps you focus on doing the right things. When you’re out of integrity with yourself, you probably have trouble sleeping at night. If it’s not the flu, it’s probably integrity knocking at the door. – Phil

Berni & Phil Recommend:

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) – by don Miguel Ruiz

 

What’s your take on integrity? Do you think it’s overrated?

Leave us a comment below…

 

Photo credit: Tit Bonač

Authentic or Annoying? – Episode 56

November 13, 2013 By Berni

Today’s backstage episode was inspired by a Huffington Post article titled 7 Ways to Be Insufferable on Facebook. In a world where we are all content creators, thanks to the Interwebz, Phil and I felt this topic warranted a discussion. We are not suggesting there is a right or wrong way of sharing online. Our hope is to help our community better distinguish between being transparent, honest and authentic versus being annoying and over sharing.

[We were having issues with Google Hangouts On Air so today’s episode was recorded in Skype. We apologize for the few technical issues you’ll see and hear in the video.]

 

Watch the show (uncensored & unedited) 

Share Some Shut Up Love –> If people can pervert what Joel Osteen said, a freakin pastor, they can pervert what you say. – @PhilGerb #shutupshow (click to tweet)

Shut Up Tips:

The real key is to think about who the content is for. Are we writing to purge our soul? Are we writing to provide some context for a good lesson? Who are we sharing for? What are we trying to get from this? – Phil

Your Facebook profile page, as private as it seems, is still a public place because you’re sharing things in front of people. – Berni

Friends used to be someone who would take a bullet for you and now friends are people we have on social media, which is what blurs the line. – Phil

My message is much bigger than me and I know in the process of sharing it the people who are going through what I’m going through could learn from the story. – Berni

Understand it’s just data. Stop taking it personally. If you pour your heart out and you get no response, that’s okay. It’s okay to do it for you. It’s okay to do for your audience. But it’s not okay to expect your audience to have a response and get mad if they don’t. – Phil

The reason we’re annoyed by something is because we probably do it ourselves. The reason we think something is funny is because we think it’s funny–to me. – Phil

The only meaning data has is what we inject in it. – Phil

Don’t over share. Give it some meaning. Add more context. If you read your update like a robot and it sounds absurd or it can be twisted or perverted in any way, it can be over shared. – Phil

If people can pervert what Joel Osteen said, a freakin pastor, they can pervert what you say. – Phil

Let it go. If it feels right to you and you don’t get the reaction you want, you get a reaction, or you get no reaction, let it go. – Phil

What Say You?

What tips do you have for drawing the line between being authentic versus annoying online? We’d love your take… comment below.

—

Don’t miss a single episode! We publish a newsletter up to 3 times a week containing past and current episodes where you also have the opportunity to create dialogue with us. Subscribe here.

Dealing with Energy-Sucking People – Episode 53

November 6, 2013 By Berni

Last week, I offered moral support to some people in my business network who were being intimidated online. It was unusual for me that I would be contacted two days in a row by separate people about the same thing. I even wrote about it in my Sunday newsletter and offered coaching support for my community.

Phil agreed it would be a good idea that we talk about energy-sucking people and how to deal with them. Whether you’re dealing with a tough business situation or something more personal in nature, we hope we can shine some light on these things that are hard to talk about. In today’s backstage episode, Phil and I hope to help The SHUT UP Show community know you’re not alone.

 

Watch the show (uncensored & unedited) 

Share Some Shut Up Love –> Even if you stand on opposite sides of a conversation, if it can bring people together it’s constructive. @BerniXiong #shutupshow (click to tweet)

The SHUT UP Show on Bullies

When I was a little kid, I was bullied. In third grade, a kid would pummel the living crap out of me. I blamed myself. And until I made it known he was bullying me, he had the control over me because he knew my secret. – Phil

Step 1. Tell somebody you trust. If things to escalate, you have a pattern of behavior.
Step 2. Get away from them.
Step 3. Tell them to stop.
Step 4. Take approprirate measure.

The SHUT UP Show on Trolls

Trolls are looking for a fight. Typically the best way to deal with them is ignore them. Don’t shed light on them, it makes them stronger. Typically they bug off after you ignore them.

The SHUT UP Show on Polarizing People

With people who are polarizing, you have a choice. You can give them power or give them the boot. It’s your community. If you feel they add to your community, keep them around. If you feel they detract, kick them out.

Shut Up Tips:

There’s a fine line between someone is just a pain in the ass and someone is bullying. – Phil

Intimidation is the intention that comes with bullying. – Phil

Gentle teasing is one thing and crossing the line is another. – Phil

You don’t have to have physical marks on your body to be intimidated or coerced into a controlling situation with someone. – Berni

Anytime you keep a secret, you’re part of the problem. – Phil

Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head. – Ann Landers (via Berni)

We’re not saying the bully is right. We’re not saying the bullied is right. We’re saying someone feels a certain way and it is okay to say ‘Stop, this behavior is unacceptable.’ – Phil

Even if you stand on opposite sides of a perspective, if having a conversation can bring people together then that’s a constructive conversation. – Berni

It’s your damn community. It’s your damn business. You do whatever you want if it feels right to you. I don’t have to agree with you but I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong. – Phil

Confidence breeds community and connection. Practice it if you’re not sure. Make the stakes lower. People are probably not going to reject you. They’re probably going to embrace you. – Phil

Shine the light on the cockroaches and say no to cyberbullying. – Phil

How can we help you Shut Up?

The show is like a video support group for entrepreneurs. – Craig Price

The hope of this show is not to get everybody on consensus on everything. The goal is to raise awareness. We offer solutions and practical stuff that we’ve seen work so you can make something work for you. If you have a story about how the show has helped you, leave us a comment below.

If you don’t want your story to be public, use the contact form and tell us about it.

Don’t miss a single episode! We publish a newsletter up to 3 times a week containing past and current episodes where you also have the opportunity to create dialogue with us. Subscribe here.

You’re 50?! SHUT UP! – Backstage with Berni & Phil – Episode 50

October 28, 2013 By Berni

This wouldn’t be a The SHUT UP Show if we didn’t spend at least 5 minutes going on about how awesome our fellow podcaster, friend and former guest Srini Rao (BlogcastFM) is. Congrats on your new book hitting #1 on Amazon! Srini, you now owe us $1 kagillion dollars #JustSayin.

By the title of this episode you can probably tell that Phil and my pretty baby, The SHUT UP Show, has just turned 50! In celebration of publishing our 50 episodes today, we have also launched the audio version of our show in a podcast. You can find the new Podcast page here and, in about a day or so, the show’s podcast feed will also be available on iTunes, Stitcher, and Blackberry. Now you can finally listen to us right from your smart phone!

This episode is a lot longer than our usual show length but, dog gone it, it was worth every minute to mention our amazing guests from episodes 26 through 49 and to let you in the know about all the exciting things to come for the show. Here’s to 50 more!!

 

Watch the show (uncensored & unedited) 

SHUT UP Tips (Highlights from 26 through 49):

It’s okay to share some Shut Up Love –>

It is about you but it’s not about you. We’re all connected but you’ve got to show up. @dailywhip #shutupshow (click to tweet)

 Even if you fail like Forrest Gump on acid, you’ll find a way to make money and be successful. – @marsdorian on #shutupshow (click to tweet)

In this economy, you have to have a system and work it and work it and work it. @SmBizGuru on #shutupshow (click to tweet)

Take that little step. It’s not a cliff. Usually it’s more like stepping off the curb. @STEWest on @_theshutupshow #shutupshow (click to tweet)

We’re not perfect but we’re perfect. We’re not brave but we’re brave. – @gpkansas on @_theshutupshow #shutupshow (click to tweet)

I have two choices. Continue to cry, grieve and struggle. Or become the best possible deaf person I could be. @DeafMom #shutupshow (click to tweet)

I don’t want to compromise on a happy life. I don’t feel like living an unsatisfied, torturous life is an option. @MegWorden #shutupshow (click to tweet)

We just felt so free and completely in the moment when we ignored the fear moment. – @SheilaViers @_theshutupshow #shutupshow (click to tweet)

If you can’t be whole and human, you inherently will not be able to show up with a life that really resonates. @CurtRosengren #shutupshow (click to tweet)

We didn’t want to go back to someone else’s job. We became addicted to being masters of our own destiny. @israelpsmith #shutupshow (click to tweet)

Instead of worrying about what I expect it to be, I learned to be grateful for what is. @ElizGreene #shutupshow (click to tweet)

I almost didn’t get into the RV but deep down I felt I had to. I was in this place of “Fuck it, why not?” @sallyhopesays #shutupshow (click to tweet)

No one else believes how awesome you are if you are the one who has to tell them. @petershankman on @_theshutupshow #shutupshow (click to tweet)

There are two things in the world: fear and love. They’re constant. I can attract one and repel one. @JessPettitt #shutupshow (click to tweet)

Realize we have control over our thoughts. Less control than we like. More power than we know. @MeiMeiFox #shutupshow (click to tweet)

There was this back chatter about women going to combat. I had this mindset: The jet doesn’t know the difference. @CareyLohrenz #shutupshow (click to tweet)

Thank you to our guests from episodes 26 through 49:

Think Like a Stripper, Build a Thriving Business with Erika Lyremark – Episode 26

Standing Out Online & Hustling Your Face Off with Mars Dorian – Episode 27

Erika Napoletano On Getting UNstuck and to a Better Version of F*ck Yeah – Episode 28

From Mediocre to Millions with The Small Business Guru Melody Campbell – Episode 30

Be the Master of Disaster (and Crisis Management) Like Shelby Edwards – Episode 31

Talking Good Systems & Processes with Lifelong Software Entrepreneur Stewart Rogers – Episode 33

Crossing the Bridge from Fear to Fantastic with George P. Kansas – Episode 34

Karen Putz aka @DeafMom on Putting Your Feet Back in the Water – Episode 35

Finding Freedom On Your Plate, in Prison and Poverty with Meg Worden – Episode 36

Transforming Your Body and Life with Sheila Viers – Episode 38

Being Amazing and a Quivering Lump with Passion Catalyst Curt Rosengren – Episode 39

Family, Love and Wellness Revolution with Israel Smith – Episode 41

How Dying at 35 Was a Gift for Eliz Greene – Episode 42

Carpe the Hell Out of Your Diem with Wildheart Sally Hope – Episode 44

Shutting Up and Jumping into Fear with Serial Entrepreneur Peter Shankman – Episode 45

Why Serendipity is Real and Luck is Bull Shit – Episode 46

Finding the Answer in Your Own Message with Jessica Pettitt – Episode 47

Love More, Fear Less with #40DaysOfJoy Champ MeiMei Fox – Episode 48

Confessions of the First Female F-14 Fighter Pilot Carey Lohrenz – Episode 49

How can we help you Shut Up?

If you have a story about how the show has helped up, leave us a comment below.

Don’t want your story to be public? Use the contact form and tell us about it.

We publish a newsletter up to 3 times a week containing past and current episodes where you also have the opportunity to email with us. Subscribe to The SHUT UP Show.

Today, we just launched our podcast! Check it out here!

We are going to make another announcement later this month… we have a sponsor but we can’t say who just yet… shhh… ut… up!

Why Serendipity is Real and Luck is Bull Shit – Episode 46

October 16, 2013 By Berni

Today’s backstage episode Phil and I talk about the S word: SERENDIPITY. How we wouldn’t be doing this show for you awesome shut up’ers had life and work not taken us where it did. Good times and bad. When we peel back the layers to uncover how we got here, it’s pretty amazing what we learned about each other, ourselves, our guests and all of you brave peeps alike.

 

Watch the show (uncensored & unedited) 
Listen to the show (Don’t miss our podcast when it launches on October 28th, 2013!)

Share Some Shut Up Love –>  Serendipity is stuff that happens when it’s meant to happen. Things happen on purpose for your purpose. @PhilGerb #shutupshow (click to tweet)

Shut Up Tips:

Be more you. When you’re finally ready to hear it and someone you trust pours it into your life, it finally makes sense. That’s serendipity. – Phil

The SHUT UP Show was born in less than 3 days and we haven’t stopped since. It’s been 6 months now.You and I could have not calculated what has happened up to today, or 6 months ago, or even 5 years ago. – Berni

I think serendipity is real. Luck is bull shit. – Phil

Serendipity is stuff that happens when it’s meant to happen. Things happen on purpose for your purpose. – Phil

This world is big but you’re not the only one. Everything we’ve experienced has led us to right now. Don’t throw stuff away. You don’t want to redo. You want to make a better decision next time. You want to take what you learned forward to being better. Everything you have done is who you are today and that is a wonderful person. – Phil

You’ve had bull shit in your life. I’ve had bull shit in my life. It doesn’t make you less. It makes you more. We have to lean into that. – Phil

Our lesson is to pay attention. Look for the lesson. Look for the serendipity. Accept it. Embrace it. Take it close to you and learn from the person and experience. Don’t worry so much about what people are gonna think about you. No one’s gonna judge us as hard as we do. – Phil

Be real. Express yourself when you need to, however you need to. You have a safe platform here to help you cope through difficult times. You’re not alone. – Berni

You don’t have to have all the answers. We don’t have the answers. You just have to take action. We’re all going to deal with shit from time to time. If we don’t even put ourselves out there to let you know what we’re going through, how can we give you a safe haven to do that for yourselves? – Berni

How can we help you Shut Up?

The show is like a video support group for entrepreneurs. – Craig Price

If you have a story about how the show has helped up, leave us a comment below.

If you don’t want your story to be public, use the contact form and tell us about it.

If you don’t want to miss a single episode, we publish a newsletter up to 3 times a week containing past and current episodes where you also have the opportunity to create dialogue with us. Subscribe to The SHUT UP Show.

xo,

Berni & Phil

P.S. Our podcast is launching on October 28th! Keep your eyes and ears peeled!

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